Malara's Italian Restaurant
2123 Pierce St, Omaha NE 68108
(402) 346-8001
Italian
Jordan: Hey, readers. A new food adventure is on the way. We are looking at some pictures of past meals. Give us a moment to refresh, reflect and finish off a couple drinks...
Homer: If I would have written about every place that I have pictures of, there would be many blog adventures indeed.
Jordan: Indeed. If I would have written about every place I have pictures of, I would probably get arrested.
Homer: I have a question for you readers. Does it bother you that even though you know our biting wit, you do not know our faces?
See? That is what we look like!!!!
Jordan: We're gonna give you a minute to take us in.....
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Homer: I think they have had enough "taking us in" time. Now on to the food!!!!! This week, Malara's Italian Restaurant.
Jordan: Yes. So, reader pals, we originally planned to post a Malara's food adventure episode a year or so ago. Any neighborhood, local restaurant famous for homemade spaghetti, sauces and sausage immediately warranted our attention.
Homer: Having actually visited this establishment twice, I would like to note that this place is consistent. Exactly like I remembered. I like that in a restaurant.
Jordan: Consistency is a good quality to have. It's comforting as well as dependable. Our readers have many experiences with this as we are consistently fucking amazing.
Homer: One of the things I want to do before I die, is go eat super authentic Italian food from a restaurant that is frequented by the mob. Can anyone out there covertly hook me up with this? I mean, unless hooking me up with eating at a restaurant means that I would somehow be indebted to the mob. I am no good at "offing," or "doing," or "icing," or "yodeling." Really I wouldn't be of much use to the mob. Especially if they expect a yodeling show. That being said, I don't think Malara's is in any way connected to the mob. It seems very family friendly.
Jordan: That it does. Malara's has a definite family friendly vibe, old school. When I was younger, Malara's was the goto place for homecoming and prom dates. It has the authentic, local vibe and great dependable food that is impossible to achieve at Applebee's or Chili's. If any of you readers out there took your prom dates to Applebee's, you should own the fact that you are a complete buster.
Homer: I took my prom dates to: Yo-Yos, Brother Sebastian's, and Gorat's. I took my Homecoming dates to Bronco Burger's, Chili's and Great Wall. I kind of spent all my money on Prom.
Jordan: I understand the larger appropriations for prom, but for your homecoming choices... you're almost a buster. Your visionary choice of Bronco Burger's cancels out Chili's.
Homer: Even in my poorest of days, I was still reaching for the stars.
Jordan: Seriously, how can you go wrong with a place where the grease makes the to-go bags translucent?
You can SEE YOUR FOOD!!!!!
Homer: Speaking of grease, let’s talk about the cheesesticks.
Jordan: Yes, cheesesticks. I'm sure all of you have indulged in cheesesticks before. I'm sure all of you think you have had "good" cheesesticks before. I'm sure all of you have had to deal with some sort of intestinal blockage due to "good" cheesesticks before. Let me tell you one thing... the cheesesticks at Malara's are, perhaps, the greatest cheesesticks to have ever blocked any intestine this side of the Mississippi.
Homer: I once watched Sandra Lee on "Semi Homemade with Sandra Lee" "teach" me how to make a cheesestick. She told me to go buy some string cheese, bread it, and then fry it. Ladies and gentlemen, THESE ARE NOT THOSE CHEESESTICKS!
Someday, when Brown on the Towne had its own website, there will be a page called "Brown on the Towne Hall of Fame." The first honoree will be these cheesesticks.
Jordan: These things have the perfect, semi-crispy, lightly seasoned, golden skinned crust surrounding the most amazing, melted, gooey... I need a minute......
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Homer: You couldn't tell where the crust began and where the cheese ended. It was truly monumental.
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Homer: The salad that came out at the same time was nothing special. Iceberg. Some slivers of carrots. Something a rabbit would adore.
Jordan: Iceberg=crap.
Homer: I am not sure how you would make a salad something special though.
Jordan: I demand more from my salad. Give me some fresh leafy greens. I want kale. I want frisee. I want butter lettuce. I want cheesesticks in my salad!
Homer: Ok I take that back. Remember back to Sakura Bana? That was a special salad.
Jordan: Indeed. Their salad is wonderful. But it still would be better with cheesesticks. If you go to Malara's, get the damn cheesesticks. If you don't I will personally punch you in the kidney.
Homer: And Jordan is a scary guy. The only reason I do this website with him is because he says if I don't, he will lop off my nuts. Take him seriously.
Jordan: Then I'd make you sit in a pool of gin.
Homer: I am scared. Let’s talk about the main courses.
Jordan: Yes, let's.
Homer: MMMMMM.....gin.......I mean…… I had spaghetti with brascioli. 2 things: First, spaghetti at Malara's is homemade. I am not sure if any of their other pastas are homemade, but this spaghetti is wonderful. There is just something about homemade pasta. The second thing is that a brascioli is a bacon infused meatball. Whoever thought of this one should be given a medal.
Jordan: Or a blowjob. Yeah, I said it. Deal
Homer: Bacon is one of life's ironic pleasures. It tastes so good. But it is a killer. In 2008, over 80,000 people died from bacon related deaths. The sauce on my pasta was good, but it kind of reminded me of spaghetti-os. Either Chef Boyardee got Italian food right, or Malara's is a bit lacking when it comes to the sauce area.
Jordan: The sauce is rather pedestrian for a homemade marinara. At least in my experience. Maybe we need to recruit an Italian special correspondent for the blog. Italians are kinda brown right?
Homer: Yeah, sure. If they tan, then I guess they are brown. Any tanned beautiful Italian women care to come with us to Italian restaurants?
Jordan: I would like this time to introduce a new Brown on the Towne hallmark...
Let's call it the Homemade Highlight.
Jordan: As mentioned before, Malara's crafts their own spaghetti. Anything homemade and done well is deserving of our verbose, yet sometimes sarcastic, praise.
Homer: Especially assuming that crafting your own spaghetti for anyone who walks in the door could be time consuming.
Jordan: The noodles have a subtle flavor. In my pasta experience, flavor is mostly derived from the sauce and seasoning. Malara's spaghetti would be a treat on their own. Maybe with a touch of olive oil. Hey readers, you ever eat plain spaghetti with just butter before?
Homer: On Thursday at Malara's, there is a special called "Mama Malara's Naked Spaghetti." It is the Spaghetti in olive oil, and garlic sprinkled with parmesan cheese. That dish is the reason I fell in love with this place.
Jordan: I was definitely envious that day. But, then again, I had the brascioli that day.
The bacon infused goodness distracted me for sure.
Homer: As it would all but the most taste-bud challenged.
Jordan: On this most recent trip I indulged on the homemade Italian sausage.
I was not impressed at first. My first bites lacked star power, but as I progressed through the link, the fennel power emerged.
Homer: Mmmmmm.....fennel-ly
Jordan: Overall, the sausage is a solid, true presentation of Italian sausages I've had in the past. The brascioli still ranks higher.
Homer: The desserts we tried: Tiramisu, and Chocolate dipped cannoli. New way I have found to communicate: using a colon.
Jordan: Brown on the Towne Ethnic Eating Advice #43: Never eat your cannoli with a fork! No amount of bacon stuffed anything will save you from the shame of being a complete douchebag at the Italian restaurant.1
Homer: Brown on the Towne Ethnic Eating advice #27: If you have to ask for the secret menu, you are not deserving of the secret menu.
Jordan: Ok folks. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Brown on the Towne. Leave us a comment or suggest some local eateries by emailing us at brownonthetowne@gmail.com. Make sure to participate in our reader polls!
1. Thus sayeth Malara’s staff.
