- Gobackability-- Polka Band coming soon!
- Service -- Kept the beer mugs full!
- Food-- Gut Busting Immortality
- Browness-- Pilsner
Bohemian Café
1406 South 13th Street
(402) 342-9838
Traditonal Czech
Jordan: Hello readers. It has been a while. Almost a year!
Homer: Don't worry about us though. In our hiatus, we have not gone hungry. I think I have probably put on a few pounds even.
Jordan: Ditto. I don't know if the year has made me any wiser. I do know I have become a little rounder.
Homer: More Buddha like?
Jordan: Yes. So friends, we have returned!!!!
Homer: Let's you and I (I mean the readers) make a little pact, shall we? I will promise not to be away for so long, if you will promise to tell us new and exciting brown places to go.
Jordan: Deal!
Homer: So on our plate today is a place we have had in mind since the inception of Brown on the Towne.
Jordan: It has been an institution of Omaha ethnic eateries for as long as I can remember. Think dumplings... boiled meats... beer in mugs...
Homer: "The two best places in Omaha to eat, here, and at home." I am of course talking about the Bohemian Cafe.
Jordan: And keeping with the tradition of inviting lucky readers to join us on our food adventures, we invited our own resident bohemian.
Homer: Nicky Z and his lovely wife, Erika Z.
So what were your preconceptions?
Jordan: My preconceptions were that 1) It was damn cold outside, 2) I was looking forward to drinking some draught pilsner in a ceramic mug to warm me up, and 3) the cuisine is something I am not familiar with, but I figured since bohemians live in a similar temperate climate as we do that the food would warm me up too. I've been to the Bohemian Cafe few years ago. I made sure to indulge in the draught beer in a mug... so much so that I don't really remember anything about what I ate, just that I was super full and on the verge of passing out on the way to the parking lot.
Homer: I have been to this place on a number of occasions. Every single time I have been, I feel like someone told a joke, and everyone got it but me. Everyone raved about their food, and I was only satisfied with mine. And I had not been there since I was of legal age to consume alcoholic beverages, so there was no saving the meals on that account. So walking in to this place, you really get a warm German pub feeling.
Jordan: Yes. The atmosphere was comforting, especially with the recent weather conditions here in town. Inside the dining room is dimly lit. The powder blue walls are sparsely decorated with family pictures, knitted crafts... and of course there was polka music playing in the background. The music did a nice job of making us feel warmer as well.
Homer: I have been to the Hofbrauhaus in Munich, and in some ways this little place reminded me of that. I have also been to the Hofbrauhaus in Las Vegas, and this place in NO way reminded me of that. Some of the waitresses were wearing what I can only assume is traditional garb. And as we walked in, there was delightful polka music playing. Have we talked about how music can make or break a restaurant experience before?
Jordan: I think we have not yet talked about the music. The polka tunes definitely set the stage. There's something about a tuba bouncing around the background with accordions and clarinets singing over the top. Kinda gets you moving. Maybe the tuba is the bohemians' version of the hip hop beat machine.
Homer: That is an interesting comparison. I never thought of it that way, but whenever i hear a tuba i just want to bounce around with it. I have been playing a video game recently in which you get a plastic guitar and you have to press buttons in time with the on screen rhythm. IT too makes me bounce around. DO you think there is a similar market for a big plastic tuba game?
Jordan: I think if marketed correctly, you might be on to a gold mine....
TUBA HERO!!!!!!
Homer: POLKA BAND!!!!
Jordan: Will the special edition of POLKA BAND come with a tuba, accordion, clarinet and lederhosen?
Homer: I don't know about you, but I would definitely pick up a plastic accordion and play Polka Band. I think my life would then be complete.
Jordan: I guess you could bounce up and down with the tuba to turn on your POLKA POWER.
Homer: Anyway, when we walked in there was Polka music playing. Not so after we had been sitting there for a while. What is it about Christmas songs that make any schmuck recording artist think they can do them well?
Jordan: Damn schmucks! Don't they know that by even recording a Christmas album, they in turn reduce the inherent Christmas-y nature of the holiday season. Schmucks! Let's just say the schmucks killed the mood.
Homer: I personally do not particularly enjoy Christmas music. Unless it is being sung by kids. Near Christmas Eve. Kids don't sit there and think to themselves, "Wow, if my parents in the audience really like this stuff, then I can finally produce my hit Christmas record I think will sell millions." They are happy, and they know they are getting presents soon, and no one else should be allowed to sing Christmas songs.
Jordan: Agreed. Let's get to the food. I had Svickova.
Its a popular Czech meal consisting of marinated beef sirloin with a cream sauce. With dumplings of course. With the weather outside, it was just what the doctor ordered. It was a lot lighter than I thought it would be. The meat was tender and savory. It was not cooked so much that the flavor disappeared. It was just right. I also had sweet and sour cabbage. The cabbage was a little too sweet for me. The texture was not crisp, but not yet mushy... somewhere in between. It's not a meal I would eat on a frequent basis, but it is something I would seek if I needed to fill up for some sort of wintery, heroic journey.
Homer: Like through the mountains of Desperation to seek the Sword of Protection?
Jordan: Something like that. I figure the dumplings expanding in my stomach would fill and seal any type of laceration or physical injury I might come across.
Homer: Yes, the dumplings. Unless you are round like Jordan and I, when they ask if you want one or two, consider getting one. They are less cute dumplings, and more “dumps™.” I had the Czech Goulash.
Let me tell you, I hit the jackpot this time. Spicy pork in a red sauce, but no noodles. You don't need or miss them, because of the dumps.™ It was spicy, it was filling, and it seemed like a necessary dish when you get tired of boiled meat, and dumps™ with gravy. Maybe it is the brown in me, but I love and need my food to be spicy. I also had Sauerkraut. I like a good "krauting" every now and again, but the sauerkraut on my plate was delicious. I might be able to eat it every day. It was substantial, and tangy and a little sweet, but not overly anything. Which is good, because i am not sure I saw another vegetable within 5 miles.
Jordan: Yeah... how do Bohemians get their fiber??
Homer: I don't know. But I worry about the blockage powers you described earlier.
Jordan: Maybe the blockage powers confer the power of immortality, thus canceling the necessity for fiber in the diet?
Homer: If i had the power of immortality, I would still try to die every time I had to take a dumps.™ Speaking of dumps,™ Erika Z had a unique and tasty dish worth mentioning.
Jordan: Yes, plum dumplings. Mountains of goodness!
Homer: These were smaller dumplings that were sweetened, with cinnamon, and inside all four of them, there was a plum, waiting to be enjoyed. I would have ordered these for dessert, if I hadn't ordered Kolachis. Kolachis reminded me of an empanada, cut open to reveal the stuffing. Mine was apricot. Delicious, but seriously, the plum dumplings are worth going for, even if they do take 3o min to prepare. Order a plate for the table, with your meal, and you should be fine.
Jordan: Yes, very tasty. Thanks for sharing Erika Z! I would add another mug of beer to my dessert.
Homer: WARNING. Do not try to take on a plate of plum dumplings by yourself after eating your meal. It may prove disastrous.
Jordan: But if you do, please make a video of your attempt and send it to brownonthetowne@gmail.com!!!!!!
Homer: That is all for this episode. Join our Facebook group to keep abreast of all our new comings and goings. And if you ever need an eating companion, let us know!
Jordan: See ya pals.
